How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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