How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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