How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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