How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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