How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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