How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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