How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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