How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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