How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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