How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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