How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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