How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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