How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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