How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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