How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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