How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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