How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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