How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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