How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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