How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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