How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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