How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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