How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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