How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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