How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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