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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Fingernails.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium
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What's black and white and red all over?
A sunburnt zebra.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?
His heart wasn't in it.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?
A porcupine with split ends
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?
Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?
"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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