How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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