How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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