How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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