How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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