How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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