How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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