How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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