How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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