How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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