How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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