How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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