How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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