How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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