How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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