How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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