How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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