How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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