How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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