How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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