How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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