How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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