How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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