How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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