How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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