How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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