How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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