How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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