How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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