How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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