How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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