How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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