How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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