How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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