How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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