How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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