How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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