How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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