How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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