How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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