How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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