How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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