How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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