How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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