How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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