How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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