How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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