How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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