How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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