How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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