How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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