How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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