How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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