How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.

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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!

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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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