How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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