How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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