How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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