How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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