How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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