How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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A seal walks into a club...
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