How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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