How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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