How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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