How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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