How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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