How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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