How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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A seal walks into a club...
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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