How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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