Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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