Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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