Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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