I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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