I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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