I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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