I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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