I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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