I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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