I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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