I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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