I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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