I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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