I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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