I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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