I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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