I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"


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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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