I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.

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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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