I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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