I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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