I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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