I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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