I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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