I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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