I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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