I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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