I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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