I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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