I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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