I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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