I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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