I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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