I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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