I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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