I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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