I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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