I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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