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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.
I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?
Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?
A chili dog on a bun.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...
A Missed-steak.
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