I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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