I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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