I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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