I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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