I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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