I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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