I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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