I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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