I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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