I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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