I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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