I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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