I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.

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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.

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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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