I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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