I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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