I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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