I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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