I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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