I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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