I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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