I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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