I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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