I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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