I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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