I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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