I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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