I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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