I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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