I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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