I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.

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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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