I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986

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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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