I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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