I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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