I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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