I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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