I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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