I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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