I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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