I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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