I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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