I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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