I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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