I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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