I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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