I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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