I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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