I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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