I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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