I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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