I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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