I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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