I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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