I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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