I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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