I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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