I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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