I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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