I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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