I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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