I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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