I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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