I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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