I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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