I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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