I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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