I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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