I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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