I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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