I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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