I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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