I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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