I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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