I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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