I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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