I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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