I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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