I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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