I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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