I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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