I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.

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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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