I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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