I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

Itís a little fishy.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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