I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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