I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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