I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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