I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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