I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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