I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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