I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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