I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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