I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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