I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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