I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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