I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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