I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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