I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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