I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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