I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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