I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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