I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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