I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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