I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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