I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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