I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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