I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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