I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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