I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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