I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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