I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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