I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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