I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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