I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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