I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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