I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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