I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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