I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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