I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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