I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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