I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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