I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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