I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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