I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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