I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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