I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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