I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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