I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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