I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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