I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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