I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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