I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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