I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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