I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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