I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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