I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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