I tried water polo but my horse drowned.



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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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