I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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