I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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