I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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