I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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