I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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