I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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