I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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