I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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