I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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