I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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