I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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