I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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