I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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