I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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