I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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