I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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