I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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