I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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