I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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