I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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