I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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