I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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