I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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