I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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