I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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