I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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