I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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