I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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