I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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