I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

Canvas not available.

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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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