I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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