I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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