I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

Canvas not available.

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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