I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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