I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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