I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.

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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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