I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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