I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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