I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck

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