I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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