I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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