I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

Canvas not available.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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