I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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