I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

Canvas not available.

or


How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.



Canvas not available.

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.

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