I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake

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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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