I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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