I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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