I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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