I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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