"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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