"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.

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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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