"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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