I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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