I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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