I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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