I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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