I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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