I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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