I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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