I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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