I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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