I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

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