I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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