I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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