I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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