I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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