I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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