I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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