I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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