I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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