I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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