I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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