If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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