If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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