If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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