If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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