If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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