If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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