If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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