If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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