If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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