If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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