If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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