If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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