If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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