If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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