If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

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