If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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