If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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