If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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