If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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