If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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