If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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