If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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