If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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