If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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