If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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