If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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