If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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