If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.


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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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