If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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