If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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