I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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