I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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