I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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