I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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