I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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