I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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