I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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