I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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