I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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