I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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