I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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