I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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