I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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