I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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