I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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