I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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