I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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