I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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