I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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