I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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