I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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