I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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