I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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