I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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