I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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