I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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