I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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