I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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