I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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