I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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