I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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