I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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