I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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