I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.

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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

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