I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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