I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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