I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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