I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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