I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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