I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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