I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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