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I'm on a whiskey diet.
I've lost three days already.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?
With igloo!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo Drizzle!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
Senator.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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