I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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