I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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