I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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