I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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