I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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