I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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