I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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