In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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