I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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