I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.

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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.

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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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