I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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