I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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