I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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