I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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