I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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