I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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