I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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