I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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