I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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