I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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