I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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