I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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