I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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