I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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