I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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