I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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