I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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