I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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