I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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