I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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