I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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