I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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