I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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