I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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