Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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