Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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