Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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