Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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