Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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