Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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