Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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