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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".
I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,
it was a shitzu."
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?
"Feel the World."
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Why does a dog wag its tail?
Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
Lipstick.
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