Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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