Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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