Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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