Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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