Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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