Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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