Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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