Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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