Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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