Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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