Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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