Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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