Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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