Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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