Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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