Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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