Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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