Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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