Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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