Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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