Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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