Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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