Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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