Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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