Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.

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