Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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