Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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