Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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