Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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