Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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