Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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