Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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