Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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