Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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