Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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