Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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