Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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