Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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