Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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