Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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