Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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