Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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