Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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