Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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