Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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