Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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