Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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