Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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