Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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