Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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