Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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