Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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