Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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