Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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