Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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