Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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