Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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