Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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