Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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