Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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