Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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