Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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