Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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