Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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