Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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