Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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