Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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