Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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