Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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