Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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