Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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