Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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