Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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