Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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