Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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