Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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