Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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