Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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