Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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