Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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