Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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