Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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