Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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