Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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