Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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