Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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