Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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