Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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