Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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