Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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