Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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